Where I've Been Hiding

So I've sort of been MIA for a while. That stockpile of blog posts I had saved up burned through pretty quickly. I haven't felt much like blogging. I didn't really feel like being online much in general, to be honest. Two weeks ago, my grandma passed away. She moved to this country and into our home when I was 3. Her death didn't really come as much of a surprise, but knowing it's going to happen and actually experiencing it are two very different things, as it turns out. I have a lot of fond memories of my grandma, watching her last breath is not one of them, but I'm glad I was with her. She'd been bed-ridden for over 20 years and suffered Alzheimer's for over half that time. Her health made a pretty steady decline in her last week, and we knew it was the end.

My dad was in New York when it happened, helping my aunt with her husband's remains and estate (he passed in May), so I got the responsibility of staying by my mom's side as she stood by her mom's. I won't sugar coat it - it was incredibly draining and heart wrenching. Gratefully, she passed in the middle of the night, so the kids were spared the scene. Since she was not on hospice, we were required to call 911, which resulted in two sets of EMT's, a set of paramedics, and the sheriff - all to declare what we already knew - my grandma was gone.

Between waiting on all the emergency responders, the medical examiner, and the mortuary workers, it was a very late night. Compound that with two kids who decided 7am would be a good time to wake up, and it's not surprising we've all been sick ever since.

Funeral arrangements have been in place for over 2 years, so there was very little left to do on that end. We held the funeral that Friday - a small, but emotional graveside service. The next day, I had to switch gears completely and start preparing for N's 2nd birthday.

Other than deciding the theme would be centered around Team Umizoomi, I really had nothing planned. I had the invitations designed, but hadn't bothered to print them, so I emailed them to all the family I could and didn't worry about the rest. 

It was a fun laid back party, and I'm sure N got more than she ever could have hoped for. I think the best part for her is always the balloons, the frosting, and all the friends.

This week, we're taking off on a long camping trip with my husband's family. I'm hoping to climb into a hammock and sleep through it. It's not that I don't love camping or my husband's family - I just feel exhausted. I haven't had a real moment's rest in weeks, and I'm really needing a little right about now.

So that's what I've been doing. Celebrating life and loved ones, I guess.

note: comments are turned off for this post. I really haven't processed all this and I don't know that I'm ready, but I figured it was time to get back to blogging - for my own mental health.