Saturday, June 21, 2014

Pregnancy vs. Growing Old

This post is probably not what you might think it's about. You're probably thinking that I'm going to talk about the difference between this pregnancy and my first pregnancy - when I was much younger. That might be an interesting topic, but that's not what I'm going on about today.

Today I want to say, I do not apologize for that stupid thing I may have said. I'm past my due date. And even when I wasn't full-term quite yet, I'd already lost my filter. Because that is what happens when I am pregnant. I become like that 80+ year old woman who just doesn't care anymore what people think. And I'm sure people think plenty. There is a reason my mother-in-law tried to convince my husband to attend Father's Day at her house this year without me.
pregnancy v growing old - not just the aches and pains via @lilmondu A Cloth Life

I do not hide my irritation. I no longer care how people at the midwives clinic perceive me when I complain at the front desk for the Nth time that they are running more than 20 minutes late again. I've lost my filter, and I've lost all empathy for those I've already lost any compassion for. It might be someone I love, it might be someone I am ambivalent about. It doesn't matter - the gloves are off when the hormones are this high. I may not be able to remember where I put my keys from one minute to the next, but I will remember that stupid thing you said in a futile attempt to make a joke that I didn't think was funny. At least through the end of the day. I'm harsh. I'm hyper-emotional. I am tired, and uncomfortable. I am at my worst.

I am, admittedly, a little bit ashamed when it comes down to it. And if I'm lucky (if we're ALL lucky), and if this time follows suit with my previous two experiences, then about two weeks after this little girl is finally born, I will return to a much more amicable person. Wish me luck.

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